My family is Catholic. Is my brother going to hell because of his suicide?

Answer by Desiree Woodland, suicide awareness advocate and author of I Still Believe, a look at faith after suicide loss. See below for more about Desiree.

"Everyone in my family is Catholic.  Some people, like my grandmother, are more serious about practicing the faith every day.  My brother and I are in our 20's.  My brother has struggled his whole life with behavior problems and more recently, drug abuse.  Last week he tried to hang himself.  He is in the hospital, on life support, and he is going to die.  There are arguments in my family about whether or not he is going to hell, and about whether or not he can have a Catholic burial.  I am devastated and want to yell at them to shut up and I want my brother back and I don't believe in any of this but I'm still scared.  Do people who kill themselves go to hell?" -Sister

Dear Sister,

 I am so sorry that your brother has struggled so much in his life. Families also struggle to make sense of suicide.  Sometimes it can be easier to fall back on beliefs that allow for a simple answer to a complex issue. Suicide is one of those. The history of suicide in the church began with Augustine when it began to be called self-murder. Most often it is not a person who is arrogantly or defiantly taking their life, but rather someone who in Richard Rolheiser’s words, is “too bruised to be touched.”

The Catholic church has changed its stand on suicide. They no longer condemn someone who dies by suicide to hell. I think you will find many enlightened priests who will honor your wish to have a Catholic burial.

It can still  be hard to struggle with the feeling that they might not be in heaven. But, as you struggle, I hope you can remember to think about God’s mercy and love for your brother.

About Desiree:

Desiree Woodland and her husband Gary, live in Albuquerque, New Mexico. They have two children, Michelle and Ryan. After Ryan’s suicide she wrote a book called, I Still Believe. After 19 years, she retired from teaching to promote the use of a curriculum in NM schools called Breaking the Silence NM which teaches students mental illness and suicide awareness. She is on the board of Survivors of Suicide ABQ and co-facilitates the survivor group, as well as is part of an outreach program for newly bereaved survivors of suicide loss called Healing Conversations. She holds a Master’s Level Certificate in Grief and Loss.

Survivors of Suicide www.sosabq.org

Breaking the Silence NM www.breakingthesilencenm.org

I Still Believe  available on  Amazon